Hieumor

The late Dr. Abudulahi Yusuf had this friend, Jimoh U Johnson. Poor Jimoh keeps writing me on behalf of Dr. Yusuf asking if I could help him out, cause you know they weren't able to contact his relatives and the "need arose". With his caps lock on and some seriously maimed english, poor Jimoh begs me to help him launder the "elven (not dwarf, elven) million three hundred thousand us dollars" the late Dr. Yusuf left behind. Apparently, I'm pretty popular with late Nigerian millionaires. I've never been to Nigeria, but I did have a Nigerian roomate once.... hmm.. yeah, no.

Reply, an open letter to all Nigerian Bankers with dead friends, and lotto winner office people also displaced somewhere in Africa....

Dear sirs,
I barely find the time to lauder my own clothes, much less some made up dead Nigerian's money. I've never bought a lottery ticket, in the US or Nigeria, that didn't already tell me I just wasted my dollar. Be advised that further emails from you Nigerian-Nutsacks are forwarded to my trash bin.
Thanks.

My new little baby Ghost Corn snakes made it home today. There going to settle down for a couple of days before I play with them. Once they're good and ready I'll take and post some pictures. The girl's name is B.B. (KillBillVol2) and the boy doesn't have a name yet.

Other news:
Finals are coming up so I will be not around.
The Offspring played Lubbock of all places last night.

It's 8am in the morning. I haven't actually slept since on the ride back from Big D. The one thing that keeps me smilin this early in the morning on the day of a final, an exam, a project due, and a long ass homework assignment.........


1) kracker let me drive his wrx.
1a) i found the sweet spot... giddy goodness i tell you, giddy goodness.

seriously.

*gaaaah!*

Just back from another Big D Roadtrip. Pictures here. Appropriate post relaying the goodness of the past two weekends will be posted soon enough. Till then, enjoy the random thoughts and thumbnails.

or better known as the events of the badd ass last weekend that came out of nowhere and slapped me happy....

* the sight of Lubbock in the rear view mirror
* the sight of trees better known as "not tall bushes"
* hours upon hours of really good music from really good speakers on a really long drive
* the Main Street Arts Festival
* riding with the WRX crew through night-time metroPlex traffic, bustin swaybars and drunk drivers
* feelin the wind in my hair riding shotgun and watching the lights of the downtown skyline
* Breakfast for Breakfast... if you only knew how novel this was for me...
* Spicy Popcorn Chicken Goodness and Boba Tea and Really Fat Fat Straws
* Blue and Red Hair Dye and Sparklies
* Cafe Brazil's crepes
* Deep Ellum
* Bowling For Soup, and a string of other bands that played in Deep Ellum - my first set of concerts/live music in y e a r s.
* Waking up just in time to go Autocrossing and being so wow'd on the first run that I was unable to hit the darn record button.
* More Spicy Popcorn Chicken and Boba Tea
* My very first ride in a WRX
* The Genuine Smile on Kracker's face

One of the blogs I read daily had this to say about love. It describes pretty much how I look at love. I think I fall in the category of "punch in the throat" love. The good ones always seem to start out that way. So far they've also ended up with a lot of "i want to play speedbump" pain.

I love a lot of things: my first car, the car i have now, my kitty-bucket-o-love, my feesh, my soon to be adopted snakes. Most of all I think, I love those of my friends who put up with me no matter what. There are only about 3 of them if I'm generous with the counting. Three really good friends that I really love. I'm pretty hard to get a long with... more like deal with. In fact, I don't think I could even be my friend. Well, maybe I could, but people witnessing that in action would be appalled.

Back to the love thing, I love my friends and my ViDawg Mr. Vi Purrnator. If I ever found that perfect man, I'd love him too.

A non-carfriendly post:

I don't watch a lot of tv. I choose not to because many of the commercials annoy me. In particular, the texanbeloved Hemi commericals. "ThatthanggottaHemi?" Only on tv in texas would you have an unshavened sunweathered driver of size in a sleevless shirt and pro-mullet sluring these words together to deliver the punchline for a commercial. Then there's the one where the dad is perturbed that the mom is pointing out the dvd player and teaches the kid to say "Hemi" instead. Because it's just that important. How about teaching the kid to be a generous, hardworking, mama-loving, boy that'll stay away from dangerous drugs and bad women?

I'm sure the hemispherical combustion chamber and inline intake-exaust valves are way cool, but to me they will always suck because their name has a sound that's just as bad as dip spit hitting the side of a can.

There are no words to describe the awesomeness that was my past weekend. If and when I find some, I will share them. Until then, peas out everyone.

I would classify this post under "bitching"... so if you've had a good day so far, don't bother.

We are going through the "officer election" time of the year again. It's a little late, and I would have liked to have done it earlier, but there were issues. Anyway, I would think that in advertising the coolness that is being an officer, one, as an officer, does not spout off drogatory flashes of wisdom such as: "i spend 3 hours on these things and no one f***'in reads them" because you know, it doesn't make me want to spend my time to be an officer. Asking everyone present to just sign up for an office because they will get one anyway is also not a good idea. For God sakes we're not trying to dispense with the GirlScout cookies.

The person with the beautiful wisdom brought it to my attention that it is perceived that I may be unthinkingly judgemental and place my loyalties in areas that best suit me. If I cared, I may find it insulting, but I don't. In fact I took the time to clarify my position: I support anyone who is willing to give their all and work as hard if not harder than I have to make this organization work. Everyone in my eyes deserves a chance and everyone does until they've proved themselves severely wrong. Take for instance, said person of wisdom was nominated and awarded a prestigious award... one I recieved a year before... I find out not 10 minutes later that they had in fact NOT done the job they were assigned and our organization was not awarded an a award I worked very hard for us to achieve. In a nutshell, I gave my endorsement and even blindly suggested said person deserved an award when their simple task was not even completed.

Now I've been young before. I know exactly what it is like to be in that kind of position. I've been faced with my fair share of setbacks. But I took the consequences like everyone should, with a straightface, and without a tear.

I just had me a phone interview and I think I totally undid all the goodness that my presentation did couple of weeks ago. Eee-gads. It probably woulda helped if i hadn't answered the phone while roaming around in a tanktop and pajamapants.

The plush burgundy velveteen table cloth that was my world was pulled out from underneath me today and left me as a lone cheap glass goblette on the walmart-brand breakfast-table. I'm going to have to stop caring for real this time, and stop pretending like I give a poopie when I'm not expected to in the first place.

Everywhere I've turned to for just a little bit of support has turned their signs around.. everyone is "out to lunch". Not that I need a pity party, oh no. But it would be nice for once to be allowed to gripe about the ugliness thrown at me without being reprimanded for being judge-freaking-mental. As far as I'm concerned, when it concerns me and how I'm being judged, I will judge however the hell I want. I would like to feel sorry for myself once and have what's suppose to be a good friend to listen to me even if they have to pretend instead of being told it'll all be okay. Yeah, buddy, you said that last year and it's just gotten a hellovalot worse. I'm hating the world right now, and will for a while. So unless you have anything good to say, step the f' off.

We all have our trials and crosses to bear. Some we keep private, some we share. Some would just go away with a hug from someone who cares. Some will linger till the day we die. Either way, they're there. To you guys who've been nice endure my thrashing around and whining, thank you... no really. I thank you. I owe you all double death chocolate fudge brownies.

The past couple of nights I've been plagued with bad dreams. Actually I should say past mornings since I've not been able to drop off to sleep until well past 4 am. Couple of nights ago I dreamed I was fending off demons trying to take over my friend's body. These dreams have been mostly of a multipart made for tv movie type dreams and they went on for days. It was a combination of the exorcist, the matrix, and angelina jolie superhero type stuff. Last night I dreamed I was trying to go shop for candles at a strip mall in DC while toting my bedroom furniture around.

I watched TV today. I turned on and was enamored by this show called TheSwan. This is where they take oridinary looking people harboring deep issues with their appearance and "gift" them with a full body makeover complete with counseling. These contestants are then either given a chance at a beauty pagent title or sent home with their newly re-created body. I watched this show and I was sad. These girls are beautiful in their own way - they have no idea. One survived military training and is raising a beautiful daugher. I know a lot of people do this, but since I'm not one of them, it's pretty amazing to me. The other girl was married to an awesome guy who loved her for how she was. Crap, I don't even have a guy, so again I am amazed. These poor girls don't need plastic surgery. These girls need the couseling maybe, something ELSE to show them that they're much better than the rest of the people out there no matter how they look. Anyone can be "pretty" if they had the right makeup artist.... one without a scalpel. I know I'm contantly hating my life and feeling sorry for myself. I'm old and no where near as annoyingly bubbly as the other bimbo's out there...But I know for darn sure, come a Friday night, and the weather is nice, I can throw me on a pair of flare jeans and a tight top, paint up my face, throw on a stylish cap and strut my stuff with the best of them. Come Saturday afternoon, I roll out of bed into my sweats like usual :-) ain't no shame in that.

The winner tonight was soo happy to be living the "american dream". I'mma be barfin if the "american dream" means one needs to look like real live anime.

the puzzled look... the furrowed forehead... the squinted eyes that extended their reach to grasp... what i believe was referred to as the real me. so where are you from again? how do you get by on such little sleep?! how many organizations do you do work for?

i answered as best i could, mentally reading from the second page of my resume, skipping the stuff that makes me sound overly raised-by-asian-parents-like. and then there was the *question*. the one that makes me sigh when i answer, because i know it requires me to go into even more detail about my *fascinating* life.

now how old are you again?

why do they say "again" when they never asked the first time? anyway, i answered. then there was the gasp, the raised eyebrow, the refurrowing of the forehead... and the most surpriseing question that no one has asked... until now....

your parents didn't disown you?!

heee. eeeeeh oh dear. well of course not. they love all creatures bestowed to them via childbirth... even the little monster that didn't finish college on her first try and left home to pursue a life on her own and still isn't married. they love me, that isn't to say they didn't shower me with guilt trips about my future. they were damn good parents.. and damn good parents don't disown their kids.

wow. that's amazing

nnnno. no really it isn't.

the line of questioning continues with the relationship between me and my parents, my current status as a self-propelled multitasking homework ninja, and my future plans. as 'amazing' as it may have sounded, i somehow ended up an hour and fifteen minutes later singing Beck's line "I'm a loser baby so why don't you kill me, double barrel buckshot".

SuperJoe invited me to dinner at NeighborMolly's place downstairs. I had the most incredible sweetpotato I've ever had! We're talking beaucoup brown sugar goodness with pecans... *drooooool*. The ham was also very delish, and she made some killer fruit salad!! I don't think I've ever had fruity bits with colored marshmellows since gradeschool back in Alabama. Imma have to learn how to make me some of that.... And there was cupcake and apple pie. I stuck to the cupcakes... And now I want more. Must h a v e cupcakes!!

It's that time again... more of the iHop SocialComentaries you all know and love. (re: link - scroll down to 3/16 to find the first set of commentaries).

Last week, Kracker and I carted our backpacks around SCP(StinkyColdPlace) studying at random coffee dispensing places until they closed or the sun was about to come up. For three nights we slaved away over our books, and were rewarded with local and imported humor.

Essa Messican Ting
D's down on Slide is a nice quiet place to study, minus the resident cigarette smoke cloud overhead. Big booths, soft XFMRadio playing looping songs from the early 80's. We clock a couple of hours behind us and enjoy a greasy meal. Not too long after and our room is blessed with the chipper chatter of Wednesday night drunkards fresh from the bars. They needlessly apologize for their rambunciousness and continue to bling their bling, and yak their yack. Couple of phone conversations later and they inform us that the EddieGonzalesBand will be joining them... "Joo wuddn unnastan.. essa Messican Ting". Well no I guess we wouldn't. But no big deal, D's ain't a library, bring on the party. The humor started as one of the lovely ladies who was giving directions over the phone had to compensate for the person's missing hearing aide on the other end. We endured several "noo go leeeeeef" and "and den go riiiiiii at the liiiiiieeeh" at deafining high volume. The band showed up finally. Wheeweee! Eddie has quiet the posse. They's was some big fellas. Talk about needing a table for 15 to seat 10. They were stylin with the cut-off shirts sporting pit-hair, tight jeans, and unlaced nike shoes. The band cracked a couple of funnies here and there flirting with the girls studying next to us with "Joo studying SEXology?!" and "Ooo Sociology!! Can joo reee mah mind?!" And when they left we were blessed with the parting view of tree trunks slapped with a sack of nickels.


Fo' Keeeds
The next night, at iHop, we learned that the server's job don't pay for much, specially when you got Fo' Keeeds at home that haddn't eaten in six days. And just because you's a man, don't mean you don't got keeeds at home to feed neither. Or something like that.

One of the customers also informed us that school doesn't mean anything. Studying is a waste of time. What's a test going to amount to in ten years anyway. Like for sure! Duh.. Like yeah. *blink blink*

Another one out of the blue made the comment that we shouldn't be studying at iHop if we wanted it quiet, and honestly, that was the only thing I heard come from that table. That's right, mixed gases and gas laws were that much more appealing.

My eyes, oh my eyes!!
My dear protege is part of a mulletia and has made it a hobbie to capture these preferably rare phenomena on his phone's camera. I think this night it just would have been a little to obvious were he to try to capture the latest sight. We sit towards the back by the restrooms and a lot of interesting people tend to walk by. One of them, female apparently, sported a multi-toned mullet. Another brave soul bared her deux and a quarter in a piece of creatively cut lycra that was trying unsuccessfully to hold itself together. One of the ladies that sat across from us let loose the niagra of midsection flesh atop her thighs during her meal and ungracefully gathered it up to remove herself when they were ready to leave. Another group had a young gentleman who has had one too many iHop's "basket o' fried poo". The poor guy could barely get his thighs under the table and tried his hardest to cover the fact that he couldn't button more less zip up this jeans by covering it with about 20 lbs of flesh.

I'm not making fun of these people. I was there once. I had the new-wave hair that stuck up about 7 inches from my forehead. I also hit the deuxes at one point in my life. But I also got a wash and a cut and stopped eating fried poo.

If you don't have one, you can get one. Dood. With a little bit o' money, you can have whatever it is you want: barbie doll body, larger wang, or how about even filed teeth and a forked tounge.

Dear Fellow Office Member,

If the way I ran the meeting in anyway shocked you, let that be an indicator that you, sir, are not ready for the WorkingWorld. As a soon to be graduated college student, this should concern you. In anycase, I can tell you as a former employee of TheMan and TheFruit that the putting-off-of-important-stuff is not tolerated. Nor is speaking out of turn during a staff meeting. I suggest working on promptness and penmenship as well. We are no longer in 4th grade, and proper colored ink on important documents is a must. One realizes that the world now communicates via keyboards and keypads, but in the off occassion that one is equipt with a pen and paper, being able to recognize the written word would be key.

Thank you,
Your Elected President

---

Dear AlarmClock,

You should be able to read my mind and know what I mean when I say wake me up at 7.

Yours Truely,
Person Who Relies Heavily On You

---

Dear IHop Staff,

The Lubbock Po Po's aren't that "cute". They really aren't worthy of all the extravagent flirting that you all put on. Really, these are older middle aged men with a 25"x50" viewable area on life. Most of their upper body is held into that hefty box shape by kevlar, without it, their tummys would resemble your ass. Giving them cute names and treating them as if they were your grade school girlfriends you had tea and cookies with doesn't make them want you more. I know it didn't make me want you more. Do you think they sit there and go "my god, she called me a woman, she must want to jump my bones"? Cause they don't. If they did, well, I would worry.

Annoyed Customer

.... when the half full coffee decanter on the edge of your table at iHop starts singing to you.. telling you "you knoooow you want to mooove me"... it's time to go home and sleep...


i carted my cool new proDigy, theKracker, through a meeting, a Barnes&Nobel, a coffeeshop, and an iHop to do his Calculus and my Thermo. a tough cookie this one, showed no signs of fatigue. he was gracious enough not to beg to be taken home after i spilled a lattee on him and his books and his eraser. and he was gracious enough to point out that i was in fact losing it.. or tripping.. whatever it is when the coffee decanter starts singing to you.

anger point of the day: since i lost power yesterday, i had to reset clock and alarm. and my dumb ass didn't check the stupid am/pm setting.. needless to say, i missed class. mudda-chucka.

good point of the day: i finally got rid of my old laptop.. in trade for two of this guy's babies.

the cool new polyphonic midi sounds ringing on my ever cool new phone make me happy. now if only people can hear me so i can stop speaking up. that would be very cool.

oo and i bet you all are anxious to read a post about the dinner w/ the EgoTasticMedStudent... haaa. you'll have to wait until i finish thermo.

my cute little cell phone is now about 3 years old, or something tragic like that. it's dying from being flipped one too many times and should be retired. i will miss it and how it fit so nicely in my little purse. it'll be a good way for me to get rid of those numbers i never call. plus this new phone has lights. i like lights.

i've been having strange dreams lately. this morning i woke up to one where i was sitting on a couch and this guy i know, a freshman, climbed over the back of the couch and slid behind me in a cute "hey bebe, how you doin" sort of way.

lately, i've been having dreams about the cute guy in my department, but i generally don't remember them at all, just that he's in them.

i wonder if that lady that was screaming earlier tonight is okay. some lady was screaming or crying really loud and a car was honking.. it sounded as if she was being dragged.. either some drunk person hit her or someone broke up with her and was trying to hold on in that way hurt drunk significant others do.

green tea and honey is excellent tea by celestial seasonings.

med student guy called and we talked some. came around to the subject of astrological signs, of which i know nothing about. he had me guess what he was and i got it right... it was an odd moment, too. it was one of those things that 'came to me' in that weird way that things come to people.

i just lost an hour. crap.

Vivi's calling me to join him in bed. good night ya'll.

thank you to everyone that wished me well. i'm still recovering but i'm doing much better. now, if i can only catch up with the homeworks and quizzes before they hand out the "projects"!

the semester is coming to an end, and i have secured exactly zero grades. in most of my classes i have exactly 60% of my grade left to make up. in one of them, i'll probably need a miracle. i talked to my daddy today, he's been good at reminding me he went through a similar hell while he was in school - being sick among other things. gotta love the daddy.

so some of the good things this week: scholarship applications look good. letters of recomendation are typed and transcrips are sealed. couple of companies expressed interest in having me apply for positions with them. i found a phone to replace my flip phone which has been flipped way more than it was probably designed to be flipped. my good deed was done: i left a nice study break package at the door step of an unsuspecting college student. and i'm looking at adopting a new aminal (crossing fingers). i found that caring for my fish and kitty keep calm me down. i'd have a garden instead if i had a patio to keep it on.

my saturday is half way gone, and i've not done too much in the way of school work. so i'm gonna get back to that.